Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Gotta be one to know.

There was one day I wished I weighed a bit more, or was at least 6 months pregnant. Because I'm as skinny as a rake and very un-pregnant I was called upon to ignore my fears and fix the dryer. Yep, I was scared. You see, the dryer won't budge from it's place in it's closet in the bathroom. Just enough space for it.... and me apparently.

It doesn't matter if you 'know' that being a mom is a big lesson in unselfishness, you have to become one to really know what that means. Motherhood has been one of the biggest struggles in my life thus far. The dryer incident being one of the latest trifles to deal with. I love motherhood but it's hard work. Sometimes it calls me totally out of my comfort zone. I'm claustrophobic. So me having to hang upside down in a very small space to fix the dryer while hubby handed tools down to me and explained each step clearly to this dyslexic momma took my breath away a few times. I actually was too panicky to scream most of the time. (Maybe this isn't the best example to give for unselfishness, after all I really wanted to have a dryer back again. But it's the only one I have a picture for.:)

It all starts when you bring that little cutie home and there are no more nurses to take care of it while you rest. It's all up to you. You have discovered a totally new level of tiredness and wonder if you will ever feel perky again. But even then you just don't really get it. I think you need to have at least 2 or three children before you really understand. Having a newborn to feed and diaper and hold and feed and diaper and hold and feed and diaper and hold, along with those other little kids that are old enough to walk around and get into things, and ask a million questions before lunch, and start potty training .... that's when you start to see that this is going to cost you something. It's going to cost you yourself.

My dream growing up was to get married young and have lots of kids and be the perfect family. Me in my apron getting gorgeous tasty meals ready, my kids all freshly bathed and in spiffy outfits waiting for daddy to arrive home for supper. Of course I would always be the epitome of patience and love ruling my little ones with tender correction. Oh yeah, that's me. Whatever. I did get married young, I did have a few kids, I do bath them, we do our best to find spiffy outfits at Frenchy's..... ummm as for the meals, I try to enjoy cooking. Patience, love, and tenderness are slowly becoming part of my life. All this after 9 years of having children to care for.

Big lessons come in ordinary experiences. Just learning to say 'no' to my wants and tend to my families needs instead is a lifelong thing. Most women today, including Christian women, have been brainwashed into thinking they aren't doing anything important if they just stay home and take care of house & home. We're told that you aren't living up to your full potential if a women chooses to hold her family more important than a career. Well ya know what!?!? It takes a whole lot more strength to stay home and stick it out than to escape from our responsibility and spend most of our time away from it. When you stay home you see all the housework that needs to be done and kept up with, you see more of your children and start noticing how much work there is to do with their character and attitudes. Because everyone is home most of the time it creates more housework, and naturally more cooking because there are 3 meals to make and then 3 meals to clean up after. Then we have to fit half a day of schoolwork into the mix and the list goes on and on. Do I sound like I'm complaining? I'm not. I love it. But a lot of my days I start out thinking I'm really not up to the challenge. I'm tired and just want to sleep in, I don't want to make lunch, I'd rather check my email or go visit someone for a cup of tea. I don't want to make sure there is a clean bathroom for everyone to use in the morning. But thats when I pray and the Lord reminds me that this life isn't about all the 'I's', it's all about Him. This is the task He has called me to. This is the life He has blessed me with. Those tired days are the days He will give me supernatural strength for.

I wouldn't trade it for anything. Well, I might trade it for a bigger closet for the washer & dryer. :)


Anonymous said...

Oh you, you really do write a good and appropriate post this day. I hope I can remember it tomorrow.

We are much the same, you and I, except you are "getting it" more than I am. I frustrate myself by my lack of "getting it." keep writing because you encourage me often whether you know it or not :)

Anonymous said...

oops, that was me being all anonymous there :)


Anne said...

Will you and Charmin come live with me?

Anonymous said...

Like you said - "Gotta be one to know one."...I'm one!! I was tempted to cut and paste your post into my blog. It is exactly how I feel. Well, all except the "skinny as a rake" part!